The Girl Who Doesn’t Get Enough Screen Time

Girls Aloud – an okay, pretty generic girl band. But wait! Who’s that girl they’re sticking on the end and trying to make us not look at?

Mmmm, Nicola.

It’s Nicola Roberts! The girl they claim is ‘the ugly one’. No, really. Let’s take a look at the rest of them, shall we?

Ol� One-Eye
She’s only allowed to have one eye visible at a time.
It’s in her contract and everything.

Oh dear lord no!
The ‘fit’ one. Allegedly. Married a footballer, so she must be a real classy lady.

I used to work with a girl who looked a lot like this.
This girl’s got plenty of time for singing.
Just as soon as she finishes her homework.

Er� nice bra.
Somebody told her that wearing just a bra was glamourous.
Wrong kind of ‘glamour’, love.

It’s pretty obvious where the ‘ugly one’ claims are coming from – the other, odd-looking girls. And it’s annoying me that she doesn’t get enough screen time in their music videos. Let’s take, for example, the video to their first hit, Sound of the Underground. It’s 2:54 long. 174 seconds, more than half of them dedicated to close-ups on individual singers. So you’d expect there to be at least 17 seconds of close-ups of the lovely Nicola, wouldn’t you? Well, you’d be wrong. There’s ten seconds, maybe eleven. And I’m counting two-shots, where one of the other girls is sharing the frame. (Nobody else gets that treatment.) For the first thirty seconds or so, the video shows us a four-piece group, with the ginger one mostly pushed out of frame (and on the left, where most people won’t notice, too!).

Now you know me, folks – I’m not one to sit around just moaning when something constructive can be done to fix the situation. And when I started this article I intended to correct this injustice by making my own music video, using all the video footage I could get of the lovely Nicola and creating a sort of a montage homage. (Arf.) So I ‘acquired’ about two and a half gigabytes of music videos and began snipping away. In the end I was left with about a minute’s worth of material. Not even enough for one song.

Mmmm, Nicola. Again.

In conclusion, Nicola Roberts is lovely, and Girls Aloud’s music video directors are terrible people who should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.