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Test, Please Ignore.

October 8th, 2011 by Nathan

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I’m fiddling with DNS settings and SQL backups and things, that’s all.

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Most Sarcastic Spam Ever

April 9th, 2011 by Nathan

“The article was uninteresting. Existence goes on. Appears it is pretty active on this site”
Terry Bradshaw Autograph for sale

Cheeky bastard. Never mind the quantity of updates, feel the quality! (Er, apart from this one, obv.)

Popularity: 22% [?]

The Complete Guide to Spectrum Games - Part 17

March 9th, 2011 by Nathan

I was going to write about Amusement Park 4000 and a bunch of other games, but the half-written document was on a drive that crashed and I don’t have the heart to rewrite it all yet. So we’ll skip the games I was going to review and come back to them later, okay? In the meantime, here’s something only slightly different…

Anarchy - Hewson, 1987

Eeh, this takes me back. I’ve still got the tape I bought from WH Smiths way back when… I remember being very disappointed, because I’d mixed up this game (where you drive a little tank viewed from above in an infuriating puzzle game) with Rebel (where you drive a little tank viewed from above in an infuriating but cool puzzle game that I’ll be getting to sometime in the twenty-second century). It was almost as disappointing as the time I bought Batman 3D because I thought it was Batman: The Caped Crusader. (And that I got after returning Return of the Jedi, because it was a pile of isometric crap and nothing like the first two Star Wars games. Imagine my surprise to get even more isometric bizarreness and not a flip-screen action adventure. Grr.)

So the map’s full of these blocks, see? And you have to destroy them all to make the screen flash wildly and the exit appear at a random location (and also disable your gun so you can’t shoot your way to the exit). There are traditional spinny-blobby-WTF-JSW enemies roaming around. Your gun only stuns them, so you can’t clear the area and then get on with the block busting.


Anarchy - In Game

Four levels in the difficulty takes a sudden drastic leap up to just killing you at random. (Squeeze down a two-character wide corridor RIGHT NEXT TO AN ENEMY and hope it doesn’t decide to kill you.) Rebel is so much better than this game.

Andeskydning - unknown

Andeskydning - In Game

Press ‘F’ to shoot the ducks as they race past. There are barely any graphics, no sound, and I can’t understand any of the text. Despite these things, it’s still not the worst shoot-’em-up I’ve played. 7/10.

Andre’s Night Off - Matthew Smith, 1984
The sequel to Jet Set Willy! Miner Willy’s chef has been given the night off and Willy wants a snack from his technicolour-man-eating-pizza-infested kitchen! A proper, enjoyable game at last! Hurrah!

Wait. What is this?

Andre’s Night Off - In Game

WHAT IS THIS?!

Andre’s Night Off - In Game 2

Next.

Androide - ERE Informatique, 1984

So about nine months ago I got myself a new phone. I got a T-Mobile G1 phone with the Android operating system. I needed a smartphone so that I could run a satnav system on it (was going to rural Germany, see) and browse the web and maybe write stuff too (so I got a slightly outdated phone because it had a proper keyboard, none of this press-shift-to-use-the-numbers lark), and for a good long time it was quite usable.

Then the browser turned out to be rubbish. Google’s browser kept crashing, or just plain not working with some sites, like Hotmail. Not being able to read my spam and special offers from Amazon was annoying. And then I ran out of drive space, because Android 1.6 wouldn’t let me move programs (I refuse to call them ‘apps’) to the SD card. And it had been losing text messages from day one. So I figured - what the heck? I’ll upgrade the operating system.

Now I’ve got Android 2.2 running, and it’s been slow, and it’s been buggy, and the phone self-bricked when I swapped the battery, and I’ve had to reinstall the operating system four more times, and Google’s browser still doesn’t work, and I’ve had enough. I need a new phone. But all the phones that are out there look rubbish. Every so often I think I might switch back to a dumb phone and get a tablet, but then I remember that if I get a tablet it’s still going to have Android on it and get depressed.

Androide - In Game

Oh, the game? Well, it’s a Pacman clone. It’s quite fast and smooth, and it uses the BASIC graphics characters, so when you load it up on a +2 the ghosts roam around with ‘PECTRUM’ hanging off them. (Horrible when that happens. There’s never a tissue handy when you need one, is there?)

Androide - In Game 2

So I’ve broken the game quite thoroughly, as you can see. At first I was worried I wouldn’t be able to finish the first level since Pac-Clone can’t eat letters, but it turns out that with a little encouragement he’ll eat everything. Including the walls.

Androide - In Game 3

And now all the dots are gone, and the screen’s frozen. I think I’ve beaten the game. Well, it was fun while it lasted; 7/10.

Tune in next time, when there’ll be a whole mess of Androids and if we’re lucky some good games…

Popularity: 29% [?]

Mmmm, Reruns

February 17th, 2011 by Nathan

Banned from YouTube for crimes against technology, but returned to the interwebs because I can - it’s Girls Aloud - Something Kinda Spectrum.

Popularity: 30% [?]

Distractions

February 16th, 2011 by Nathan

Things that I have been doing since the last proper post:

  1. Writing two different XBox 360 games: Avatar Lawnmower Simulator and an untitled Japanese-style action RPG.
  2. Playing Halo: Reach.
  3. Building a personal website to promote myself as a whole, rather than across a number of different websites.
  4. Pondering methods of writing and selling some kind of fiction that would make the process worthwhile.
  5. Playing Left 4 Dead 2.
  6. Attending Jon’s wedding. (Alright, that one didn’t take that much of my time!)
  7. Going on holiday in Germany.
  8. Learning all sorts of things.
  9. Turning 30. And also 31. (Erk.)
  10. Avoiding ’scene’ ‘drama’. Because it makes me a very sad panda.

Some of these things will be expanded on shortly after I’ve fiddled about with the design of the blog a little bit. And then I’m going to talk about some games!

Popularity: 25% [?]

Yes, Yes…

February 9th, 2010 by Nathan

we know. But we’ve got things to do.

Normal service will be resumed shortly.

Honest.

Popularity: 41% [?]


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