Yes, yes, I know. Let’s just get on with it, shall we? Amaz1ng – YRS, 2008 It’s a maze. In first person. It came in sixth place in the 1K category of the 2008 Minigame Competition, so I don’t really want to slag it off. So I’m just going to stop right here. Amaze – Bytesize, 1983 Huh. It’s the same as Amaz1ng, only about a million times slower, with no full screen view, and no map screen. I suppose it was twenty-five years before Amaz1ng, so I don’t really want to slag it off. I’ll just leave this one here. A-Maze – K’Soft, 1986 So, there’s this sort of non-maze. There...

There’s never much on telly over the festive season, is there? Just reruns of reruns of reruns and a Bond film. The Great Escape wasn’t even on this year! Still, at least there’s some entertainment to be had on the ol’ rubber wonder, eh? And what better way to find out what’s there than to read about my continued suffering? Altered Beast – Activision, 1989 DISTRIBUTION DENIED, say Activision. Now, they might claim that it’s because of the difficulty of the licensing deal with Sega, who produced the original coin-op this is a conversion of. They might claim that it’s because they’re...

Superstition’s a pretty stupid thing, I’m sure most of you will agree. I’m happy to walk under ladders, cross the paths of black cats and let them cross mine. I’ve never thrown any salt anywhere (apart from the little sachets they give you in Miss Milly’s) and the only time I knock on wood is when I hit my head on my desk while fiddling around with cables underneath it. But you know what? When it comes to reviewing ancient and mostly terrible games, thirteen seems like a bad omen. Aliquid Simplex – Your Computer, 1984 See that weird square thing? The square face with legs? That’s Professor Hilfe,...

I’ve been having some weird dreams again, so naturally the first bunch of people I thought of was you. In fact, this is a little bit of a roundup, since there’ve been a few very, very strange dreams. So let’s jump right in there, eh? 1) I’m Batman No, really, I’m Batman. And rather than take the fabulous wealth and abuse it to Bacchanalian excess, for some reason I decide to take the job seriously. Commissioner Gordon’s been kidnapped by the Joker. So I track them down and lead the police to the Joker’s lair, rescue Gordon (although for a minute we’re not sure if he’s dead or alive), and...