Girls Aloud – an okay, pretty generic girl band. But wait! Who’s that girl they’re sticking on the end and trying to make us not look at? It’s Nicola Roberts! The girl they claim is ‘the ugly one’. No, really. Let’s take a look at the rest of them, shall we? She’s only allowed to have one eye visible at a time. It’s in her contract and everything. The ‘fit’ one. Allegedly. Married a footballer, so she must be a real classy lady. This girl’s got plenty of time for singing. Just as soon as she finishes her homework. Somebody told her that wearing just a bra was...