An Open Letter To Wall’s Apr06


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An Open Letter To Wall’s


Dear Sir/Madam,

I hope and trust that this missive finds you in good health, despite the abject failure of your website to provide either an email or address or a functioning contact form. I write regarding your Sausage, Bean & Cheese Slice; if being there in spirit is enough to get sausage into the title, perhaps you could similarly make a Duck and Potato Slice that only has potato in it? Or perhaps a Lobster and Mushroom Slice with only mushrooms? I’m sure that while it is sadly not to my taste, many people would enjoy the bland taste and weak texture of pastry smeared with jellied ancillaries. Personally, I cannot abide a pastry free entirely of the traditional meats; there is something rather incomplete in the concept, I feel, and I suspect that the Ginsters family shall be retaining my business for the foreseeable future.

In addition I must note with concern that the packaging indicates that some bones may remain in the slice I have abandoned unconsumed; I was not aware that either beans or cheese were vertebrates. This news will bring some alarm to my vegetarian associates, and I fear for their continued nutrition.

Mr N. Cross