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Sometimes A Cigar Is Just a Way To Kill Everybody

I’ve been having some weird dreams again, so naturally the first bunch of people I thought of was you. In fact, this is a little bit of a roundup, since there’ve been a few very, very strange dreams. So let’s jump right in there, eh?

1) I’m Batman

No, really, I’m Batman. And rather than take the fabulous wealth and abuse it to Bacchanalian excess, for some reason I decide to take the job seriously. Commissioner Gordon’s been kidnapped by the Joker. So I track them down and lead the police to the Joker’s lair, rescue Gordon (although for a minute we’re not sure if he’s dead or alive), and then hunt down the Joker and… don’t kill him. Nope, I arrest him and return him to Arkham Asylum. Now, if dreams are where you get to do whatever you want, there’s no reason I wouldn’t kill the Joker. Hell, when I’m awake and thinking rationally, I’m all for hurling the guy off a building. But in my dream, I didn’t. Because I’m Batman.

2) Mmmm…

So I’m on a beach with this gorgeous woman I work with. No, I don’t know why, or how. But it’s great anyway; white sand, blue water, cloudless blue sky, and a hot girl who’s clearly in love with me. Only then things get interrupted by some sort of alien invasion or war or something. I don’t really remember much about that bit apart from having to find her bikini top again.

3) What The Hell Are You Talking About?

I’m at home when an electrician stops by. (For some reason.) He immediately tuts at the fridge in my archive room (yes, I actually have an archive room – where else would I store all my tapes?) and tells me it’s a terrible fire hazard. I spend a little trying to get him to explain precisely how it’s a fire hazard and how I could solve the problem, to no avail. After about two minutes of his nonsense I snap and remove him bodily from the building. Outside his supervisor is looking at some sort of underground electricity meter and claiming that we’re lucky the whole building hasn’t shut down or exploded or something because we’re drawing too much power. I approach to kick his stupid fat face off, but sadly wake up before I get there.

In conclusion then, I clearly need to eat less cheese at night. Any of you lot care to share your unconscious?